Monday, 23 February 2009

Grrrrr

I need a happy pic! (I'm working on a big sketchy one of this at the moment) It cheers me up!

I lost my purse!!!

With all my cards, and the weeks shopping money in it :(

And I have a poorly eye.. so it's more .(

Grrrr money! I was already having moments of feeling like a second class citizen...The money issues run deep, huh?

I lost my purse just hours after having a (fairly heated) conversation over money and artwork prices with a friend, and I can physically feel all this awkward changy birthing energy over my issues. I get angry.

Hmmmm
I was going to type that I get angry when I don't have enough money for what I want...
but that's just jealousy, I get angry when I don't have enough money for what I want, when others have, when I am left out.

Yesterday's conversation was along the same line....I'm getting a lot of "don't undervalue your work"s said to me.......and I get angry, because I don't want to 'market' price my work because I am far far far from the only one who doesn't have that kind of money and I don't want to feel like I'm leaving people out on money grounds....

I'm more than happy to accept a chunk of bill paying life enhancing money as long as I'm not excluding those currently struggling...

And I don't know how to make that fair.

And I get very angry at people suggesting that those struggling need to prioritise, work harder, or resolve their abundance issues and sense of self worth...though I take on board that all of those pieces of advice would stand me in good stead, it feels, to my bones, un-loving.

I'm currently considering taking on a space for studio and community activities...this will only happen with an exceedingly generous landlord, that I might add, I may actually know...and I feel that all this money, faith, love, gifting stuff is mixed up in there somewhere.

And now I have come back to myself I feel calmer, I have dreamt on and off for years of running a space with as close as possible a gifting energy flow...Perhaps I'm being challenged to make it happen, rather than being challenged to change.

We'll see

Big Kiss

3 comments:

Evie.E said...

Two things strike a chord with me in this post..

Firstly, I lost my purse this weekend also! Everything gone. Horrible. At least I didn't have much cash in there like you did, albeit because I didn't have much cash to be there in the first place..

Also, I really really want to have a community activity type place as well. My dream is to have a small center with studios for art classes of every kind, and creative therapy, and so on. I hope you find the perfect place for your studio! I'm sure it'll come to you as soon as the time is right, and it'll be amazing.

SisterJulia said...

Lost purse (((hugs))) to you Evie!

and thank you for you comment it really made me smile!

pen* said...

sister julia, your post really spoke to me too! i dreamt the other night i lost my purse, and it was such a nightmare. literally. so you have my sympathy!

and as for community activity... that's exactly what i am dreaming about too. i work with offenders, many of whom struggle with day to day existance and not just financially. they don't have the luxury, or probably even the initial idea to go and explore their creativity. yet they spend day after day lost... i dream of providing a service, to women offenders in particular. young and old. empowering them, through art, self exploration and most of all fun...

i love your line: "perhaps I'm being challenged to make it happen, rather than being challenged to change" i think you may be onto something there! ;)