Monday, 23 February 2009
I lost my purse!!!
With all my cards, and the weeks shopping money in it :(
And I have a poorly eye.. so it's more .(
Grrrr money! I was already having moments of feeling like a second class citizen...The money issues run deep, huh?
I lost my purse just hours after having a (fairly heated) conversation over money and artwork prices with a friend, and I can physically feel all this awkward changy birthing energy over my issues. I get angry.
I was going to type that I get angry when I don't have enough money for what I want...
but that's just jealousy, I get angry when I don't have enough money for what I want, when others have, when I am left out.
Yesterday's conversation was along the same line....I'm getting a lot of "don't undervalue your work"s said to me.......and I get angry, because I don't want to 'market' price my work because I am far far far from the only one who doesn't have that kind of money and I don't want to feel like I'm leaving people out on money grounds....
I'm more than happy to accept a chunk of bill paying life enhancing money as long as I'm not excluding those currently struggling...
And I don't know how to make that fair.
And I get very angry at people suggesting that those struggling need to prioritise, work harder, or resolve their abundance issues and sense of self worth...though I take on board that all of those pieces of advice would stand me in good stead, it feels, to my bones, un-loving.
I'm currently considering taking on a space for studio and community activities...this will only happen with an exceedingly generous landlord, that I might add, I may actually know...and I feel that all this money, faith, love, gifting stuff is mixed up in there somewhere.
And now I have come back to myself I feel calmer, I have dreamt on and off for years of running a space with as close as possible a gifting energy flow...Perhaps I'm being challenged to make it happen, rather than being challenged to change.
Posted by SisterJulia at 22:11