So, so weird

There they are, my astounding smiling boys! Though their faces are far from like this all the time! butyou give them the right chances and the smiles make it all worthwhile.



Walking to the park today, in the cool of the morning, as the sun began to heat away the cloud cover in amazing patterns, I was suspended again in the strangest sensation...something BIG is coming.



I wondered with a friend the other evening if it is because I see the same patterns as when I last returned to Brighton in 1990 to find half the town centre shops closing down. I see the empty shops locally gradually increasing in numbers...the usual turnover of new businesses already slowed...and the new cafes ,that all sprung up in the years I was away this time, all shortening their hours...trying to find trade between them in the Monday to Friday week.



I noticed two more closed shops on the way to the sunshine park this morning...and one whole office building.



Somehow all the sunshine and playing seemed a bit strange in juxtaposition to the shops and the 35% increase in British Gas prices this week...



And still the sensation underneath is something BIG is coming...My mind asks if I'm prepared, and my body sends it's wave of peace leveling a solid foundation to stand on amidst changes...I know all is good.



BIG can be good.

One of the pretty shops locally!

Playing with water.

I've been playing with water again...and watercolour, pens and pencils...I like how everything becomes so random trying out new things. Unpredictable.

Monkey's Birthday

The camera used isn't good enough for this to be excellent...but I'm loving the sunshine/glass/ rain combination caught here.

Little people

Little people just look so little sometimes! Blink and you'll miss him!

And they definitely look way too little to just to go wandering off, climbing ladders, clambering across planks between two drops, and taking off down the slide without a care for Big people's heart rates.

MESS!

I've been wasting time trying to create something to save time....I just have a headache instead...

There are aspects of my life that are consistently like being trapped in some strange (frustrating!) dream. The fact is that I have too much stuff, physically, mentally, virtually, emotionally...too much stuff.

I once spent a month repeating a daily meditation of creation...I had to imagine my own workspace and create a lotus in a different way every day in my mind for 15 minutes. I painted them, made them from paper, made them from glass, made them from fabric...even made them from heated polystyrene food trays...toward the end of the month I had a huge joyous sense of presence with me in my workshop, barely made my lotus and just danced ecstatically around in my mind.
At the end of the month I got to meet one of my guides...off I headed (in my mind) to my joy filled workshop, only to be stopped at the door and gently told that I no longer needed to keep trying to create beauty out of rubbish and dross.

I still fill my life with it though...anything and everything that I can create with, paint on, or is some sort of possible pretty ingredient...or base...or frame...or household article...

Off to keep trying to find some beautiful, efficient, freeing solutions.

Today

Life is overflowing with joy and with lessons...


Sometimes I am not sure if I turn to the lessons instead of accepting the joys on offer...

I wondered for a moment then if I avoid lessons in the name of joy and pleasure...but it instantly stuck me how impossible it is for that to be true.

It depends on what I choose to learn...

perhaps that is what I am being asked to think about carefully at this point...Something is about to give.

Remember

Everything you have done
amazes me
you've already taken steps
your heart sang to you
and as you follow
the tune whispering
in your chest
every step
will bring you closer
and closer to me

with gentle huge abandon
you have taught me
most beautiful truths
and my heart aches
from seeing your beauty

I love you

Sleepy

Life asks us constantly, in a million ways a minute, whether we want to open more, whether in this moment we are willing to change even slightly and grow through the process.

I'm just momentarily wondering whether the effort required to ignore / squash/ abandon/ deny/ not notice, is exactly equal to the effort required to allow / make the change.

Am I afraid to choose change for fear of becoming too fluid? Yeah that would make sense...

I used to do this on faith, this is where my faith lies, somewhere in the process of life, in surrendering to the fluid changes of existence.

In this moment the answer seems obvious, that in truth the effort required to not change is hugely greater than the effort required to surrender to change.

A million ways a minute...how wonderful would that be!