Still

In the shapes from the window
I am deeply awake
With Moonlight translating my skin
Her love in the tea
I slowly intake
Feeling her clean-ness within

The silence that wraps
round my bones
I still hear,
It whistles and calls me to Still
til my heart
As it pumps
Rocks my body
Like sea
Its eddies and currents
Unseen

Speck

A point so piquant
And infinitesimally small
Floats
In the edge
Of my awareness
Containing That Secret
Delicate as Endless
Inescapable and Indefinite
And as graspable
As some speck
In my bathwater

having woken at 01:30 after a day in bed,
something in me realises
something I can't quite grasp
entirely yet.

Right!
I thought
No more proof
No more proof I love you
No more proof I care
Do you know how much it hurts
To have to show it's there?
The constant undercutting
The constant sense of grief
Knowing no matter that it's felt
It's not felt underneath

Then in some spilt second
I understood a God
Who'd say
No proof I love you
In quite a different way

An odd moment of humanising
A huge dispassionate thought
To find myself imagining
A God that simply hurt
To see such constant suffering
In the face of
Deep Safe Love
As human minds turn to prove
A billion Tiny Thoughts

And I am strong again
My act of faith
I See The Love

angry hurting grumbles...mean things they are

So now I am here
full of fear and rage and doubt
running riot with shadows
Listening to them shout
they slice with accusations
rub caustic on my worth
grate and graze and carpet burn
at images I love
they take my wish to crumble
into soft releasing tears
and taunt me with my weakness
and stick me in my scars
They point to all my ugliness
and magnify what's left
until it's all distorted
a raw and hurting red