Friday, 27 March 2009


I am suddenly very aware that I am threatened. That I have been feeling under threat since moving back to the south of England, to it's high cost of living, rents four times those of where I was, house prices easily four times as high and salaries really not so.

I felt threatened and uneasy, worried about providing for and protecting my family even before I found myself pregnant little more than a month after we moved here.

This fear has manifest itself in a lot of growling on my part...a lot of barking and snapping and trying to keep everything in line and under control at has also raised a lot of hopeful dreams in me about community, sharing, gifting, sustainability and an opening up of us as human beings.

Those are my dreams, my wishful thinking...though I think I do it with quite a practical mind that sees these paths as logical helpful steps for us and those around us...I believe these doors are opening wide and full of amazing opportunities for growth and connection.

Guess what!?...I'm de-cluttering! Lol!!! What is it in me that makes me respond to threat of lack with such a strong sensation of paring down?

Mmmmm, Letting go I guess, needing space to allow change, having nothing left to be convinced I should be afraid of losing...what you are used to is just what you are used to.

Huge Love


Ginaagain said...

I have the same reaction to feeling vulnerable. I think it's an unconscious attempt to free ourselves to run if needed. It must be some ancient response programmed into our genes. The news and world economic situation doesn't help at all I'm sure. I hope you feel better soon though. It's very difficult to live with that stress.

pen* said...

"what you are used to is just what you are used to." so true...
i agree, now can be a time harnessed for great changes, and posts like yours give me hope... i might do a little decluttering myself tomorrow too :)

SisterJulia said...

I can feel that...the freeing in order to run! Kid under each arm and a back-pack feels about eldest is a bit big for that now!

I quite enjoy the sense of challenge though.

The time is so gorgeously ripe for making the best of our lives and communities! I hope you're still feeling hopeful Pen.