Friday, 21 November 2008

Pilgrimage

One of the times I shaved my hair

Okay, right at this moment I'm tired...hungry and tired, so this is going to be woefully short for a first blog in TEN days!!!

But I wanted to stop by and say Hi! I'm not quite irretrievably buried under the mountain of 'stuff' I am clearing from my house, but my day to day life is!

I am glad to say that this is what I've been waiting for since the beginning of 2008 and I'm so relieved it has arrived...I had such a deep sense of this healing and changing occurring this year and for a minute there I lost faith.

I'm waking up happy and deeply grateful in the mornings, looking around my house, realising that I've no idea how this will all end up (though it's gradually becoming clearer) and just putting one thing in a bag after the other!

Lilly Rose blogged the other day about her Aha! moment about making unhealthy choices primarily because they are the ones she knows and is comfortable with. I find it so hard to break out of that.

I remember one healer I worked with asking what my life would be like without a particular problem I had and I realised I had no idea. I couldn't even begin to imagine that life, I had never lived it! I felt it was like asking a baby in the womb to imagine the outside world...not possible.

For me these changes had to become a pilgrimage, a journey I have to take on faith, following the quietest threads inside myself into the unknown and through the unknown. I have actually shaved my head as a mark for these pilgrimages before...painted my nails orange, dyed my hair orange, carried a wand, carried a journal, worn a toe ring...these have all been marks and touchstones for these journeys of change toward the unknown...my sign of commitment and somehow the physical link to the unseen thread I am following. This time I am wearing dark kohl around my eyes! some days less, most days lots!

It's a bit like putting a new painting you have fallen in love with in your house, it doesn't fit but you love it, so gradually everything around it changes to accommodate it.

Lol!! That was longer than I anticipated!!

I send you a Big Kiss and hope to be at least looking down the other side of the mountain by the tine I get back.

2 comments:

Lilly Rose Chen said...

Thanks for giving me some advice on somethings I might be able to do...I went and got my nails done the other day and the first 24 hrs was terrible. I wanted to rip them off because it felt claustrophoic. Yesterday, I put on my Sunday best just because...to do errands and for the first two hours all I could think of was my sweat pants...but after a while I got use to it. People treat you better and somehow your car even has that extra humm...not sure about shaving the head though...lol

SisterJulia said...

Lol! It never struck me how the things I do are slightly aggressive looking til I read this! I start to dress more carefully and take better care of myself but the dark eyes, a shaved head or orange hair tend to make people take a step back!
Everything you are doing is changing your life, even the maintenance of tiny changes now, make big differences down the road. It certainly seems to me that it's all the little things that get us off our personal course in the first place.