Full Circle

I thought I was just coming to post this picture...say Look what I've done! Sorry it's been nearly a week...see you soon...Life has been busy.

Thing is I had a bit of an epiphany last night about shame...about my shame. I realised, (strangely in a blissfully happy moment) that the shame I feel about how my body looks, about my eating, my teeth, my far less than glowing health, the things I have done to my own body, especially it's visible gain in fat, exactly equals the shame I feel about things that were done to my body by others in my past and my sexuality.
I was reeling around somewhere in that, confused quite as to whether the shame I feel now, if I think about being seen by others, is the continued shame from the past, if they were the same, when it suddenly felt so simple, as though in hiding shame day to day, hiding feelings under food, trying to keep myself free of it, it had popped out from the middle of me and was completely visible...all over!
With that realisation came the understanding that now I could deal with that shame. I can treat my body how it wants to be treated, let it be strong and sexy and vibrant, and let the shame be there, visible and open until it dissolves.

All well and good. Dawn comes, another day, a testing day and I shied away from discussing this further, certainly away from blogging about it...too vulnerable, too out there...I feel it slipping under the the surface of lost ideas, and missed opportunities for growth. That was all except for the intentions of Lilith, mother cloud, My Blue Lady...wise, timeless gracious guide to me that she is.

She often has other ideas.

My opening line today was about it, my plan was roughly that and to link back to the post that showed the original journey sketch I was working from which is here. When I read through the previous post part of me immediately wanted to curl up and hide! These are not my everyday conversations...I am completely comfortable for these conversations to come up, but the shame game means not starting them, catch 22 of course,so generally nobody does...

Today I ask for the lessons to keep coming, knowing I have the best teachers and healers on hand.

(Co-)incidently the Jo mentioned in the post, though currently living in Thailand, arrives at ours tomorrow.
Full Circle for sure.

Giveaway Day!!!!

The stunning yet huggable John Halcyon Styn borrowing a rather fabulous set of wings

I am so happy and so excited and feel so blessed by what is coming next!

I'm sorry that I'm doing it a day late!...I absolutely love giving stuff away!

Y'know this is the problem with trying to make a living! It's not that I can't value my creations, time or things, it's just I feel richer sharing them as gifts!
Perhaps I could be like the grocer I go to sometimes, every time I buy something he gives me something else as well! Perhaps I could run a shop like that.


I dreamt once of running a healing centre with a healing shop, where as part of their healing people could gift whatever they wanted to, or not, and receive, by there own intuition, what they needed. Donate small take big, donate big, take small, whatever, guided by the universe and hearts.

Okay, enough rambling.

The name pulled out of my old straw hat is.....Iris!

Iris was the first name to arrive as well! (super fast commentor)

Congratulations honey! I'll message you later.

All the pics I have up today are of another lovely internet friend I've been wanting to share with you for ages!

What can I tell you about this man? John Halcyon Styn featured early in this blog, and has been constantly just a link away. He hosts the Hugnation every Tuesday lunchtime (Evening here in the UK) as he did originally with his Grandpa, Rev Caleb Shickles. ..and holds the space beautifully for Hug Warriors (!) to meet, align their intentions and plain old Love.

He is shortly going to be appearing in a new video blog on NBC.com...and I'm wishing him huge luck with that. When success is spreading love, openess to understanding, acceptance and fun, success is what I deeply wish!

Today's photos show a sliver of what I have seen of him, and give a hint of the breadth of discussion this gentle man brings to the Web.

Giveaway names so far.

This is the current list of names for the giveaway draw leaving Favourite thing this week comments...so are the ones I know currently are in the draw...looking forward to adding at least the three other commentors!

Do we reckon we may suddenly, magically reach twenty in the next 36 hrs? I'd like to give away the extra sets of cards....

Trying to work out the draw itself...maybe a little vid of the name being drawn? Oooh I've just thought of someone I might ask to do it!...might affect the timing though, I'll keep you posted.

Iris
Jess Bottles
Beth
Elaine R
Rachelle
Iwona
Nelly
Lisa
Gwendolyn
Danseuse Sabine

Peace of paper

Peace of Paper

This is time away
This time on page
This time and space
This is peace and quiet
Away from buzz
Away from bleep
It's peaceful white
And waiting, still
Just like the quills
The pen flows ink
And frees the mind.
Heart feels rested.
I hear in distance
Family noise and know
The return
Is next in line
But here I took
A little nook
From space
Frome time
And made it mine.



I can't believe the draw is in two days!!
Later today or tomorrow I shall put up a list of all names going into the giveaway draw so far, from all sites. I shall send reminders if you have left a comment but not told me your favourite thing at the same time.

I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who has left me a comment, or e-mailed me, every one has made me smile...and it's lovely to have the excuse (though we shouldn't need it of course:P) to touch base with so many friends.
I've tried to mail and comment back to everyone, if I've missed you so far I send an extra HUGE hug and Kiss today.

Thoughts on Pages

There is some deeper knowing, either inside of me or outside of me that is tapped into by putting pen to paper.


I used to write pages everyday, when I couldn't think straight, act straight and sometimes even see straight, pen and paper. Sometimes it's a stream of swearing that comes first, sometimes huge howling questions, sometimes pleading or coaxing out of what I know is in there somewhere....something to save me from the confusion I feel at that moment.


At one time I think I'd have been trying to catch it, trying to keep it so it's never forgotten or lost to me again. Poetry is like that, like a picture sometimes, just to capture fleeting ecstasy to return to it when I choose...But the morning pages called for by Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way are far from that.


I've been completing them for a week now, three pages a day, mostly on waking, of uninterrupted stream of (Un!) consciousness writing. I'm not allowed to read it back even at the moment, so am fairly unaware of what I have actually written, but I can say it's very freeing, and I feel things shifting, my worries and constant self-talk are affected by this process.


I recently wrote an e-mail to Beth at The Virtual Teahouse about how I have used art and writing over the years for self-healing. Today I find myself wondering about it more deeply again... The power that is in the process of putting marks on paper and why the process has evolved for me to include shape and colours and words altogether..

I watched through the amazing video of Jill Bolte-Taylor with a friend this morning, and am wondering if some of the answer is in there...in the left, right split of the brain, with perhaps the left side's constant narrative being joined more evenly with the right's sense of Oneness by the process of involving the body in the dialogue.


It's intriguing me today.

Zhausted!

Three consecutive days of Birthday teas!

This is my favourite pic...Taken by Big Mark!

Beauty

It's gift is so warm
And light as a feather
Soft as a petal
And scented like clover
Honey's no sweeter
But preserves it forever
Beauty is such.

Beauty is aged wrinkles from sun
Beauty is laughter when every day's done
Beauty is opening my eyes to The One
Beauty is something that can't be undone.
Beauty's so much.

Hidden words too

Creativity, purpose, passion, love, freedom

Up and up and up we go

Feet on the ground

Eyes to the hill

Starting low we're following slow

The sight of The Dreaming Tree

Somewhere on its glowing path

We reach the moments where we laugh

And sometimes when the path is steep

We find the moments that make us weep

Onward upward forward bound

Your feet will never leave the ground

Yet as your step repeats the chant

Onward upward is the dance

We'll meet each other at the top

If you keep going and just don't stop

We'll find a bough and notice there

The fruits that followed our blossoms of care

We tended and watered and took each step there

To realise dreams we plucked from the air.

Forgiveness

Learn, support, hold, change, Love, hope, expand, bless, applaud, create, Love, witness, grow, gift.

This week has been a blur of screens...blogging, tailcast, hotel details, flight details and homework! Most days this week the lappy and the computer have been whirring and tapping at the same time...it's a strange world for a little one to grow up in.

I try and imagine my life without the childhood I had and replace it with the one our kids are getting and I really can't guess how I would have turned out. Our eldest asked us today, if we could go back in time and change one thing what would it be...after immediately thinking I'd like to never have taken to eating for comfort I swapped that for being more patient and wise with my kids...not shouting or getting angry at them. We went on to try and imagine what the world would have been like if you took out someone major such as Hitler and the nazis from history...but how can you even guess what would happen if you remove one bad, one mistake, one wrong turn whether anything could turn out better in the long run.

Is everything always somehow in balance we can't perceive?

Our littleish ones have also been busy with friends and playing and visits and visitors and mummy and daddy so the world is not all that different. There is balance...they get more hugs and praise than cross words thrown at them...and there is always the grace that is forgiveness for those moments...and then I'm thankful that we're not perfect and too wise or too patient because grace, true humility and forgiveness are beautiful to learn.

The words above this post are the gifts held by the first Giveaway tree, and these are the sqwirly words in the hillside:

This tree calls to you today
and says to forgive yourself the instant you realise.
There will always be shelter in your forgiveness.
I send you love for your journey.
Movement, chances, change, love all ways, freedom.

Treetastic 100th blog

Giveaway details below

You'd never guess which recent picture has inspired this Giveaway Tree...well you might if you've been here recently. I've loved doing this, I used to doodle magic/wishing/dreaming trees quite often. There is just something about a purple tree!

The original story I read about a wishing tree, was a french one, in which all the leaves of the tree were in fact white, only changing colour once touched by or held in the hand of someone. The colours the leaves turned revealed something of a persons character simple by colour. I love that idea.

I've been so inspired in fact that this is a Giveaway Tree Too!

Whoever gets drawn from the hat here on Wednesday the 17th of September can choose which one they fancy best...the other will go to tailcast as a prize...hopefully in time for the collab competition.

I've had lots of fun with my pens and pastels...as usual there are words and writing throughout the pictures and over the next couple of posts I will transcribe (is that the right word?) them here...as well as putting up a couple of closer detail pics.

With giveaways in mind I got out my old workcase:

And in it I found extra goodies for the giveaway! "Aha! Treasure." Said Steff!

I Have made many sets of these for friends over the years, and even sold a few way back at the turn of the century! (it's very weird being able to say that...I guess it was turn of the millennium though.)

They are little bags of moment cards, for meditation or answers...however they take you. The words on them are from dreams, trees, trance journeywork etc...and the hands themselves were all drawn around my left hand and then shrunk down and flipped were needed...all the sets are hand finished and in a little homemade bags that prove, for all time, that I am not a seamstress.

There's one of these for the winner of the draw...and if I get more than twenty comments between the three blogs, I'll draw four more names to get a set...that should keep me busy making!

And lastly...this is a little treasure to my heart...I don't know about the rest of you, but I for one write as there are so many things I struggle to say when I really want to say them...Though you'd be hard pushed to find many that talk much more than I do...go figure!

This is the last of twenty sets of compliment/message cards I made a few years ago, they have their own little wallet and make a lovely gift as a set, or to give individually, leave in someone's pocket etc..I might reveal the other messages in the set over the next few posts...

Okay, so that makes a gift of three things, including the pick of one of the Giveaway Trees.

It's my myspace blog that is celebrating it's 1000 visits and 100th blog, but whichever blog you read on to qualify you just leave me a comment that includes the sentence:

My favourite thing this week is...

Don't forget to put your name if it doesn't appear automatically.

If you're not a member of myspace or livejournal you can leave your comment by ticking the anonymous box here on the blogger blog which is here.

I'll arrange to get contact details from you when you are one of the winners!

Big Kiss