Monday, 31 August 2009


As I try to focus on almost anything in my life, I seem to have to learn about it anew and today I feel that not only is my life a constantly shifting seascape but I am suddenly aware that it is constantly changing in colour.

A gorgeous, vibrant, never caught the woman sitting still, friend of mine today suggested that one of the important things to takle in marriage is the boredom. !!!???
My brain is still !!!???
I'm struggling to imagine the possibility of boredom having the chance to settle in. Depression, anger, resentment, guilt, all often callers.
Perhaps you'd have to be constantly happy in order to get bored with it.
Perhaps I'm keeping myself so full and busy and challenged in denial of boredom?

Sunday, 30 August 2009

As I was Lying

As I was lying
In exhausted ecstasy
Thoughts and worlds
Tumbling, dissolving, streamers
Around my bed
I slipped into Knowing
Into Nothing.

I am Loving
I am Loving Everything
I am Nothing Loving Everything.

Then it hit me
I am that darkness
That refreshing cool Void
I am the space
The Gap
The Pause.

I was no longer staring into the Void
Longing and fearing
Choosing and turning in the same moment
I have become whole again with who I was
Not by Leaping
But by being
That Nothing
Into which I had dissolved.

The Big Fat Nothing

I wanted to run around last night
Yelling I get! I get it! I get it!
Instead I smiled
Floated in Peace
Dark Peace Deep
In the cool refreshing space
Of Nothing
Not even Loving
Not even Love
Just Nothing.

I heard somewhere once
That the journey for men
Was to learn that they are Love
Yet be pre-disposed
To knowing they are Nothing
Whilst the journey
For women
Was to understand
That they are Nothing
Beyond their knowledge
That they are Love

I had stood there once
On the path
Into Nothingness
Pulled and invited
Tempted yet holding
Onto Love
My Love
For my son

Half of me left
Half of me stayed
Often wondering
If I could ever let myself fall

Then there I was Loving,
Loving Everything
When inescapibly
It was clear
I was Nothing
That was Loving

I was there
As the Darkness
No Leap
Just myself
As the the ocean
Of Nothing
I had feared.

Saturday, 29 August 2009

A couple of recent ones from The Universe

Julia, I know what it's like. I've seen it played out a few zillion times. You're waiting for that magical day when someone makes the connection and recognizes who you really are. Maybe they'll first catch the sparkle in your eye. Or perhaps they'll marvel at your insights and the depth of your spirit. Someone who will help you connect the dots, believe in yourself, and make sense of it all. Someone who will understand you, approve of you, and unhesitatingly give you a leg up so that life can pluck your ready, ripened self from the branch of magnificence. Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

Well, I'm here to tell you, Julia, your wait is over. That someone, is you.

Good thing you rock,
The Universe

Julia, here's some sage advice I once scrawled onto a cave wall long before the wheel, Atlantis, and Facebook:

Aim with your heart, adjust with your head, and always, always, always, do all you can.

Caves, email, same, same.

The Universe

Thursday, 27 August 2009

Trip to Yorkshire

I was sooooo proud when I saw our eldest climbing this!

And happy watching them all playing

Mum's green fingers contributed to dinner every night!

The most stylish pic!

In this picture you can just about make out me taking a picture of me!

Sunday, 23 August 2009

Just an Oldie

So much so much so much.

I find that life and myself are flowing in little rivulets back toward some body of self, of source.

And of course it's all Love Love and more than I can imagine, Love.

There is such peace there, yet somehow staying true to that source/self/truth is such a challenging path.

Ahhh, starting to get the feeling of the 'peace in the centre of the storm'

It all seems so new and so fragile all over again...

Let me stay keen to this.

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Cheeky Chen

Cheeky Chen...Super sweet, super cool, Big space in my heart for him, he's trying to raise money today for Stick AID/ Unicef by auction.

Nuff said:

Reasons to be Cheerful, 1, 2, 3!

Heading towards the last third of the year and I'm a little stunned at just how unhappy I've managed to feel about this year! It's not in the day to day moments; it's been an excellent and gorgeous summer, there have been lots of moments of promise, and you just can't argue the glorious joy of spending the day playing with small children when you open your heart and mind and just jump right in to the middle of it.
So I'm not really sure what the grumpiness is about...(except I've just been reminded that having a teen in the house isn't always a breeze!)
Lol! That's perfect timing with these pictures! One extreme to the other...trying to take the weight of the world onto their shoulders...and joining in with toy trains!
But yes, somewhere in this year I got lost and I'm really not sure how. Last night I had to hunt for a post from last year to find a video...and there was so much happiness shining out from the posts! And I found a letter to myself from Grandmother Julia that says it all really.
Wake up and smell the sunshine honey!
Take it into your heart as breath
Smile your love into your day
Dance with every moment left.
Wishing for loving transformation in my heart and in our household!

Tuesday, 18 August 2009


There's the most stylish pic!

There's the joy of putting up your own tent for the first time

There's the trying to work out where on earth to balance things while you cook

There's the relief of a tea tent that serves HUGE slices of cake!

After which everything else...

Just falls beautifully into place

with a little bit of improvisation.

We walked through the rain to say our 'goodbyes'

To be farewelled by the HesFes rainbows!

Thursday, 13 August 2009


Aching until I feel sick

Cold tears feel hot on my face

Grief is the tide coming in

Sharp and dark, the rocks.

Back to the process of abduction

Heart and mind taken against will

Thoughts invade with slightest seduction

Every sunny thought

Turns to rain.

Thursday, 6 August 2009


Life brings me many things
Sometimes exciting
Some things a challenge
Somethings like seeds,
Wake ups like lightning
Moments all changing
Constantly offering
Days just like these.

Life bought me fullness
In desperation
And happiness
Bought me to loving
Its rawness
And dreams

Life gave me children
And people
New chances
Life gave me difference
And hunger
That's me

Life opens constantly
Creaking the cross beams
Letting the rain in
With tendrilling leaves
My heart lives in sunshine
And beats about freedom
And life is a breeze
When I remember
To Breathe