EMR

 

Sleepy dreaming early morning

Rambling thinking ideas dawning

Papers folding leaving marks

Unsure writing in the dark



Flowing loving feelings ebbing

Practicalities awakening

Information begins filtering

Through the lighted cracks



Hopeful waiting wishing holding

Memories treasured now are fleeting

Little voices chime beginnings

Of the clean slate day.

Falling over myself

I am at that moment
The wave sucks back in,
Falling over itself
As it bubbles and hisses
Through pebbles.
I've sat so many times
Looking into this hiss,
Always some part of me
Longing slightly
For the wave
to have come further.
Just that tiny bit further.
To have rested
Completed
before its own undertow
Sucked it back in.

Shhh

The ache familiar
The draw remembered
The passing of moments
Releasing of tears
Breath deep
Arms full
The dance of it's moving
The cool of it's air
The Freeing
The me-ing
The silence.
The spacing between
Me and the world
It and my soft spots
Work and my innocence
Dreams and their end
Distance
Protection
A charm
And it's incense
Provocative
Intoxicating
Devil-may-care.


I miss it.

Aaaaahhh!!!

I'm in the house ON MY OWN!!!!!!!!
Ha Ha Ha...doing the 'I'm in the house ON MY OWN dance'!!
8D

Love♥

My littlest man is wandering around the house in a Batman t-shirt, a Superman cape and playing constantly with his sing-song whistling, steam blowing Thomas The Tank Engine...a very happy three year old indeed!

Still, to this moment in my life, I associate the Thomas song with the extra half hour-half asleep in bed-that I used to relish when our eldest was still so little...so I'm a happy thirty-nine year old too!

Life is never what I expect! My love is with those that don't love me back, my patience is with those that drive me the most demented, and my prayers are with our niece for as swift a turn for the better as there was for the worse...If you feel like sending prayers or healing to our next grand niece/nephew, due 25th Dec, the are gratefully received.

Love♥

Boredom?

As I try to focus on almost anything in my life, I seem to have to learn about it anew and today I feel that not only is my life a constantly shifting seascape but I am suddenly aware that it is constantly changing in colour.

A gorgeous, vibrant, never caught the woman sitting still, friend of mine today suggested that one of the important things to takle in marriage is the boredom. !!!???
My brain is still !!!???
I'm struggling to imagine the possibility of boredom having the chance to settle in. Depression, anger, resentment, guilt, all often callers.
Perhaps you'd have to be constantly happy in order to get bored with it.
Perhaps I'm keeping myself so full and busy and challenged in denial of boredom?

As I was Lying

As I was lying
In exhausted ecstasy
Thoughts and worlds
Tumbling, dissolving, streamers
Around my bed
I slipped into Knowing
Into Nothing.

I am Loving
I am Loving Everything
I am Nothing Loving Everything.

Then it hit me
I am that darkness
That refreshing cool Void
I am the space
The Gap
The Pause.

I was no longer staring into the Void
Longing and fearing
Choosing and turning in the same moment
I have become whole again with who I was
Not by Leaping
But by being
That Nothing
Into which I had dissolved.

The Big Fat Nothing

I wanted to run around last night
Yelling I get! I get it! I get it!
Instead I smiled
Floated in Peace
Dark Peace Deep
In the cool refreshing space
Of Nothing
Not even Loving
Not even Love
Just Nothing.

I heard somewhere once
That the journey for men
Was to learn that they are Love
Yet be pre-disposed
To knowing they are Nothing
Whilst the journey
For women
Was to understand
That they are Nothing
Beyond their knowledge
That they are Love

I had stood there once
On the path
Into Nothingness
Pulled and invited
Tempted yet holding
Onto Love
My Love
For my son

Half of me left
Half of me stayed
Often wondering
If I could ever let myself fall

Then there I was Loving,
Loving Everything
When inescapibly
It was clear
I was Nothing
That was Loving
Everything

I was there
As the Darkness
No Leap
Just myself
As the the ocean
Of Nothing
I had feared.