What's new pussycat....

Aren't they sweet! It's my first attempt at animals.
I did this for a friend's Birthday, just in time I might add! Talk about loving a deadline, I'm trying to work out why I do things in the last three days possible instead of the first three days possible.

Wow! I'm also wondering if I have what it takes to open and hold this space...I have such wonderful dreams, such a hopeful heart...but the distinct sensation that being a dreamer alone is not enough...not a help...not creating the change I want to see in my little world...and also the now tangible fear that that is all I am.

I've brought enough projects of one sort or another to fruition to know that it just takes step after step after step...but I'm having difficulty even explaining what I'd like to do at the moment.
Life seems to be bringing me all the tools I could dream of though so I guess it's just time to get on with the dance.

My life is very busy though...is it big enough? Am I big enough to hold enough space for each of my boys and this and the need for an income...eek let alone ...okay. enough panicking for this minute...Love, let go, dream let go, turn up, let go.

Huge help at the moment is Mary A Hall's Heart Thoughts daily meditation (several times today) which is a freebie bonus download when you sign up to the Healing with the Masters list.

Okay...now to do the two next posts that I told my cousin I would do over a week ago!

Two months!!!???

Two months already? I am lost somewhere in all this life!! I just worked out that I started this picture two months ago...so much for one a week!

Something big is coming up...no idea what yet, and impossible to imagine where to fit it, but I can feel it creeping up from inside me and edging in around me. I am feeling slightly un-nerved and gnaw-y. As ever there is only one thing to do, keep moving forward...slowly. So I'm off to move this picture foward too!

I ask for clarity.

I feel gratitude and Love for all reminders and illuminators.

I ask to keep my heart open even if my mind tries to panic.

I ask to remain in Love.

This is where I work...(sometimes!)

I need to learn photography! I need it for taking excellent photos to work from....and for taking better pictures of finished work. I'm sure even some basics on how cameras work would help.

I'm thinking that this one is finished...maybe I just currently have a ten hour cut-off point.

I'm scared of ruining it if I try to go further, but I think I might experiment with some ideas I have on a few practice eyes, mouths, skin and hair patches, so that I can experiment with out risking ruining someones face!

Sketches for the next couple of portraits, I have some catching up to do to average my one a week...The shortage of winter light makes seeing colours challenging...and the time the light is best we're usually in the middle of lunch/playing in the park or lessons!

I have spent some time browsing the most amazing portrait artists today...so now I have links to share...and snow pictures to up-load...and some very, very late calendars to make.

Top of the list is my transformation arrow for the Goddess E-Course though.

Big kiss.

Slow and learning

Nearly finished...this'll be the last scan, tomorrow, finish and photograph I think...

It's also bugging me...they all do at this stage, never as good as I'd hoped for!

I can see the improvements I'm making but am frustrated to feel I've yet to master the art well enough to advertise for work...not sure if I'm being reasonable about that though.

Considering offering to work for minimum wage to get the practice and some money coming in while I improve...not sure about that either though. It generally takes me about ten hours for a portrait still so they'd work out between fifty and sixty quid.

I did spontaneously daydream this morning that I'd be good enough and have enough work to do a small show by September...and hopefully one piece somewhere in the Brighton Festival this year in May...We'll see.

The Goddess E-course and the TAW and life are ridiculously in tune with each other at the moment...Oooh I'll post my crazy week one pic too.


Big Love

Today's Progress

Up to around seven hours on this one now...still a way to go too! I've worked a bit on this under electric light this evening...it's an art/daylight bulb but still I may wake up and regret it when I see it in real daylight :/

It's getting very late but I'm off to check out what the goddesses have been up to in the last couple of days...also need to work out Ebay to sell a rare CD I have.

Night Honeys

Work In Slow Progress

The latest update for my friends in Holland

I have discovered the limitations of winter daylight hours! It's hard to draw when you can't see! I'm sure some number of years ago it might have mattered less...and it's not as if things are blurry...I just can't quite focus on them!

Progress is being made slowly though. The new juggling act of home schooling for all three us is not quite perfect yet...but we will get there.

TAW has been an interesting challenge, I think week ten should have begun yesterday but I had surprisingly huge resistance to going back through my morning pages..and when I finally attempted it my handwriting made it nigh impossible. I have learnt to value them again in a way I'd perhaps become a bit complacent about, so the process is as ever working even when I least expect it.

I'm choosing to view The Creative Goddess Course as my Super Size artists dates which is a wonderful luxury that I am soooo pleased I treated myself to. In all honesty at the time I had difficulty treating myself but I was not about to let the universe offer me the chance to support a Long Loved Gorgeous Goddess Friend and then just let it slip away.

These are the ways we get the life we want, by welcoming and encouraging the scrumptious people already making a go of living it. What a world this will be if we keep putting our energies where we truly want them....and of course my life is already richer for taking that step. Even if the amazing delight of watching Leonie giggle and just go for it wasn't enriching enough, my! that Gorgeous Woman can guide a meditation! And I'm really fussy about that (just ask Mark).

P.S. I so wish I could show you my page at the e-circle, I'm quite smitten with it...I think I shall have to up-date my myspace to match.

Crazy Busy Amazingness

First things first, There might just still be time for you to enrol into Leonies Lovely Creative Goddess Course, I think it officially begins tomorrow on the 15th...

Next things next, It's been a over week already since I posted...sometimes this happens because I am paralysed and overwhelmed by my list of 'things to do'...this time however I have not been paralysed, I'm paddling about as fast as I can go at the moment and surrendered to the fact that everything will just have to happen when it happens.

Goddess Leonie was wise and gracious enough to open the Circle space a few days early to invite us to settle in before our creative playing begins...I can't imagine how busy she is at this stage as saying Hi! to everyone, meeting and learning about this amazing circle of women is a big task!

One of my only regrets about being so busy is that I have not spent enough time thanking people for their inspirations, support or sharing that make such a huge difference to my life. The comments and e-mails I receive, the blogs and websites I turn to, the videos that offer tuition and guidance. I had planned a few gratitude post at the end of the last year into the beginning of this one...but they are one of the things I have evidently surrendered to their own time frame.

I am at least working on a portrait...so I'm so far sticking to my one a week...it's early stages but I've posted here all the different variations of the image I'm working with so far in addition to the printouts and original photo on my board...by the end there will be a file full of them...I'm sure there must be easier techniques!

I send out Huge Hugs and Big Love

back to the drawing board

So much seems to have happened in just a few days. I'm already well and truly into my 'take on insane amounts of projects and see which ones I nearly kill myself trying to do' stage. Luckily something in me made me listen to my panicking body this evening though, so I'm taking a deep breath and looking at how I can achieve as much as possible whilst going at a slower pace.

I have a big bag of ideas of things to do in the local community, and they just keep on surfacing...hopefully if I just keep a level head, keep talking and aiming some of them at least will come to fruition. I talked to friends from the toddler group today and a couple are interested in helping in ways that suit them, and already it's good to hear other peoples ideas too.

On top of the home schooling and setting myself the challenge of at least one portrait of some sort each week it may seem that taking on other outside tasks is a bit much, but there's lots that can be achieved and I'm hoping that all my tasks will somehow come together and be supportive of each other rather than vie for attention.

And today I fixed my header in such a way as to appear well on all the different size screens we have here at least...I've no idea why it should behave differently on each but it was doing...and In the last two days I've finally put pencil to paper again and these are my sketches...well they both started off as sketches, the second one demanded that I finish it a least.

I love the first one, as although I finally have an easel (yay!!), I was leaning on a frame on it with a corrugated back and I love the textures that the frotage? created...instant stripey wallpaper! It reminds me of a hotel I stayed in years ago.

Both the images are just copied from a magazine so I can take no credit for composition...but I'm thinking any practice is good practice right now.

It was interesting using a very limited palette for the first time as well.

Reading way too much!

I can't do this no reading thing!!!!!

It's as much part of me as breathing and moving and sleeping! I am managing to curb my behaviour slowly if what I am doing is immersing myself in other's work instead of my own creativity...and I've allowed myself to read and work with some of my own material.

I've started and finished this A2 pencil portrait of a friend in the day or two before she had her baby....and it's the first portrait I've ever done where I wasn't allowed to put a face in!

I find I am so busy and feeling overwhelmed by the amount I have to do...and that I am being rescued form this and other sensations by the Daily Morning Pages from The Artists Way...

Each time I begin to write the complaint 'I have so much to do!!!' it is instantly translated into the wonderfulness of 'having so much to do'! So much choice, life is so full of amazing things to do! My life is full of things I love to do!

My other joyous writing discovery is ruminating over words I've shuddered to hear ringing in my head from school reports...Lazy..bone idle...and discovered through writing them down how much I LOVE THESE WORDS!

LAZY

BONE IDLE

LAZY BONES

I even wrote a life story for Dame Lazy Bones and loved every aspect of her life!
All the sayings with bones in keep popping up, feel it in my bones, get to the bones of it, bad to the bone, work your fingers to the bone! Loving it all at the moment!

I am lazy! If I can see a short cut I generally take it, if I can cut back to the bones of the matter I will. It's me and life here who need to haggle over what is necessary, never had much time for the middle guys!

Dame lazy bones wears ridiculously deeply frilly clothes and a huge hat BTW, I guess she has time for all that nonsense because her bed isn't made.

I think it's finished!

Which is more than I can say for transferring the old poetry pages!
If you reading this on Blogger or livejournal then the new links below work...however myspace listed my links as naughty pages(!) ...even I don't think the poems are that bad!

To top off the hours I had last night of trying to get the posts in order (on ning if you edit a post the time of the post changes) I realised today that I had copied all the pages from a site closing on july 24th, to one being moved on July 31st! So I shall still have to back them up just in case as well.


It's all learning!

And I've started a new picture.

And I'm going to the cinema tomorrow.

And it's a sunny Sunday evening.

And I spoke to my dad tonight.

Life is good.

Big kiss.

progress

Okay, still working on the poetry pages, and the tags come to think of it!, but at least I'm working on some pictures as well...though losing faith a bit again today. This one looks better in person, but it's the first time I've used a reference photo I'm a little less happy with while trying to come up with a picture I am happy with...it's a good process, eventually I shall become less and less dependent on photos (hopefully).
I almost abandon this at the stage below...having persevered it's given me hope that I might be able to return to the last one, which I did abandon!

I've been messing about with multi media as well...pics later.

Big Kiss

To link to

Such a gift on strange days

There are many distractions to use on strange days, eating, tidying drawing, laundry, clearing out cupboards...but these distractions are accompanied by the inescapable sensation of strange in my stomach.


There are fewer ways to untangle strange sensation, my favourite being Mark lovingly telling me that I am strange, so feeling it makes perfect sense, and something in that rings true enough for me to let it wonderfully be. Another way is to doodle , great big whatever colour happens doodles, until words and phrases spring to the page to let my strangeness be out there in front of me, wonderful, colourful, vibrant and beautiful truth. And lastly, the gift that is the internet...where people blog their own beautiful truth. Lale truth.


Today is one of those days, full of colour and feelings and I'm reminded of how lucky we are to have this wonderful web of possible connections...How lucky we are to find openess and gifts of everday shared.


I rarely watch television nowadays, I have the occasional day or three of immersing myself in it's light, channel hoping slouched on a sofa...passively letting in images, ideas and sometimes enriching stories... I find familiar faces there and amazing sights and scenery so many miles from myself that I'm likely to never see them in person...but on the internet I can chat and offer, and usually just by clicking a couple of extra links, find an open gate into someone's garden of thoughts and I feel a strong sensation of friendship, kinship.


I've been wondering whether over time this will translate more and more into our everyday world...in the same way that having a strong sense of foundation from home or family gives us confidence in life to go out and be involved, will our sense of connectedness and kin-ship from reading thoughts across not only physical distance but time, bring us eventually to the same confidence?


I no longer feel strange when I read the same senses of beauty and awe in other peoples words.

found it lost it

I've been fairly convinced in the last few weeks that my 'discovered' ability to draw better than I thought was shortlived...actually managing to completely ruin a portrait for the first time...( I suspected I was capable of that!)

So I'm sketching and practicing and hoping for improvement...the portrait thing has become something in and of itself...I'm not sure if it's just very addictive in some way, or if I've found a bit of a 'my thing'...but it's what I want to improve at, and I actually found myself saying to someone, quite honestly, that I DO portraits. THAT is not a 'me thing' at all! I'm the permanantly unqualified 'I dabble' kind of woman, even after years of experience and/or training...

we'll see

Big kiss

A big sketch of our eldest

Wow! And then a week is gone.

He he!

It's Monday again! I had a couple of almost chances to post during the week, even got pics ready...then here I am it's Monday again! I shall miss the delight of coming back and delving throught this last week. Blogs can truly be a source of treasure and self-enlightenment when kept regularly. I still go back to my hopewitch blog.

What can I remember in brief?...

Have to work backwards

Sick as a dog most of the weekend
Spoke to the Gorgeous Goddess Lisa.

Mother and baby group Thursday AND Friday...so sitting around chatting with friends.

Weds night out to another most wonderful friends, walked both in the sunset and the dark, always good to acheive either.

Tuesday mother and toddler group...that's more run around and talk to toddlers, but they're friends too.

Monday...hmmm
I'm sure we squeezed friends in there, oh and a super early visit to my sister! luxury to have her so near by, so scrumptious week all round.

After a thoroughly ill weekend, I finally came on-line last night to find the picture above...it's the first of my pictures I've seen in a proper frame. I cannot describe how incredibly happy it made me! How stylish too! I keep going back to look at it because it seems a bit unreal and too lovely to be true.


Drawing has been one of my little dreams my whole life, bursting out in odd places, but essentially for my own joy and pleasure until now...there is something in being able to give pictures to others that is an amazing connection to the simple joy of giving that we /I had in childhood...drawings are a child gift.


Big kiss.


Life is like this often.

Today!

Today I made it to art class so I finally worked on The Perfect Bum (as named by one of my dads) The original image is out of Psychologies magazine last month?...Of course I was actually trying to draw her hands. I still have to work on it but at least it has progressed.

The guy above was a forty five minute sketch I did whilst watching (or pausing) an amazing video of Jason Baalman's.


All of Jason's videos are amazing, I think he is quite well known in America, and at the rate I've been introducing him to people here hopefully he'll be well known in the UK very soon too.
My mum Ed and I sat and watched several of his speed portrait vids when they were visiting recently...and I've been making my way through his video lessons on how to draw portraits.


All his stuff comes across intelligent, funny, clear, generous and inspiring. What more could anyone ask from a teacher?...Oh yeah, practical, understandable, repeatable skills...they are all there too.

Ok, I've just found out that Jason also has a myspace page and I'm off to make friends

Big kisses.

Happy happy happy happy Tuesday!

It arrived!

Mark reiki'd it's arrival for me...I'm so happy! My heart has sunk a little every day I logged on since the middle of last week, but it arrived yesterday and now my heart is happy and I'm very relieved.

I'm 38 and my emotions still surprise me. I am surprised how responsible I felt at the same time as feeling it was out of my hands and there was nothing I could do about it.

It's also telling that even though I could replace it with a second one if it were lost/stolen/damaged, I'm not sure I could ever have let the feeling go of the loss.

That sounds a bit serious but there are so many little things I remember losing in different ways over the years, from pots of glitter when I was ten, to the tenner I got conned out of a few years ago.

Perhaps it's the unpredictability of it.

Big smiles and kisses.

Nonsensical

I spent the evening by myself yesterday. I often do, but not usually knowing I was unlikely to have company much before 3am...it was an amazingly luxurious sensation. I had time to draw, read, stay up late watching TV (way too late!) and go to bed, meditate and write before finally falling asleep in a huge bed by myself. Mmmmm.


At the point today when my 'I didn't sleep enough' headache hit me I was halfway through my Great nephew's fourth Birthday party with half the girls in his class still queuing to have their faces painted. Tonight I shall be dreaming of pink and sparkly butterflies for sure.


I am still caught in some strangely suspended sensation and am beginning to suspect it's a suspended part of myself coming to the fore requesting to be un-suspended. I'm a trifle scared of that...and wondering where the time will come from to make space for another aspect of self at the moment. I guess the only thing is to throw the request to energy and wisdom greater than my own.


I have been playing with my friends camera so you can expect lots of nonsensical pictures in the coming days.


That's a very bitty post, but it is what it is...


I suspect you can expect old random pieces of writing to pop up as well for a few days.

Z leaves for Poland!

Finally I had to decide that this picture was finished, mostly as I couldn't leave it alone and was scared of ruining it.


It's new home will be in Poland! So with one piece in America (hopefully it'll arrive) and one in Poland I'm an amateur international artist!


That is quite a funny idea.


Yesterday we had Two French guests, one Belgian guest, Three Polish and ourselves, So international is the norm.


And this was French, English, Belgian breakfast on the lawn!

Thursday!!!

Finished?

Yay! nearly the weekend!

More guests arriving tomorrow, hadn't occurred to me to wonder whether Stefanie speaks much English before this moment...but thinking about it I expect she does very well...I think it's fairly usual to speak several languages in Belgium.


Tomorrow the kids break from school for a week as well, I just hope there isn't some big project handed out to do in the break...it's usually a wonderful learning experience for me, but I could do without the homework fight!


I'm really feeling the benefit of spending more time with my female gorgeous goddess friends...I am filled with so much love and a sense of peace just thinking about being able to spend time with them...I remember writing little prayers for this in the hopewitch blog a couple of years ago.


Whenever I consider what I have in my life it occurs to me that I have what I asked for previously with my heart.


Halcyon Pink has been inspired to flow with the idea of being an Inner-Activist and it's truly how I believe we can change any state of reality. I look forward to his musings and am grateful he is as inspired, sharing, watchable and sexy as he is...(and of course, Huggable)


Ok, big kisses for now