yummy yummy pastels

A friend is going to help me take better pictures of my bigger pieces

Bit of a wobble over the last two days...not helped by the wonderfully deep chesty cough I developed

I have all the usual feeling daft about valuing my art drive (I like that so much I shall embolden it!) It's easier to talk about sex drive than art drive, oooh that phrasing could be a big help! My art drive is exactly like my sex drive...Though I can say that I've never felt my sex drive to be daft, or even blushed about it in front of people (Not since I was 15 or so at least) but I still feel embarrased to talk about painting/drawing/writing...how nuts is that?!

And to be honest my sex drive has gotten me into scrapes I could never imagine my art drive or a painting getting me into. Though perhaps that means I'm not being brave enough in my explorations yet.

Come to mention it, I've a couple of nudes I keep being to shy to post!

The cough is due though, I stopped smoking a month ago (I was smoking a whole 2 - 4 cigarettes or rollies a day, but that's still 2 - 4 too many) and my body is just spring cleaning...which is the other thing I have begun as well.

I'm not letting the de-cluttering and cleaning wipe out my focus though...it's easy to find a lot of sensible things that need doing in priority over things the quiet little voice tells us are also important. Much like the children asking to play, I have to remember to not keep saying "later, in a little while, just when I've done this" those beautiful voices are gone too easily and far too soon.

So, as well as the replacement nets, toy sorting, room clearing and super vacuuming, I've made complete messy pages of pastels and glitter and glue...nothing other than experimenting. I've lined up some of my favourites to next work with and I keep letting my first journey picture float into my head...Just to allow everything to be a step in the right direction is a good feeling, I'm so often berating myself over something. For now at least everything is a step in the right direction.

The Beginning

This is my trance journey journal

In 1997 I had several visions/waking dreams which lead me on a hunt for understanding.
I began keeping this particular journal when I studied with Peter Aziz in Devon 2000 to 2001. I had already spent a year studying and healing with the gorgeous squashy Jo (or Vinod) of Shamanic Spiral (their links are under friends on the web). I have studied also with Daniel Stone and Spiritual groups in Yorkshire including with Chris Crow...and the journal is an ongoing one.

It's been a while since I've had a teacher to turn to, and about three years since I have done any real journey work, readings or paintings for anyone.

Entering into this year I could feel that familiar something calling to me, and I have been softly whispering and singing in reply...unsure of the details, or even the form things would take until last night...yet I knew I was taking steps in preparation.
Since the beginning of the year I have spent every waking moment, whenever I didn't have a child on my hands, scouring pages of internet and creating space (I think I've only gone to bed before 2 am only twice this month). I wasn't sure what I was searching or making space for, except that I new it involved painting and writing.

My Myspace was the first step, and this blogger and link rolls the next. On Sunday night I finally decided I was happy and had created the best working space I could.

Yesterday I found the Katherine Skaggs site which finally had me hearing my guides shouting in my ear. The are very happy. As am I. In fact much singing and dancing and happy hugging is going on.

I have been asked to go back to the beginning.
To spend time using my bridge building sketches and develop them...they are to be my teachers for now...

xxx

Huge Gift

This evening has been such a huge gift...I love that all the things we pray/hope/wish for, can come to us in ways we never could have pictured.

I've learnt over the years to ask for things thoughtfully and gently, (I once had several desires manifest in one broken foot) but lately I've been hoping wildly, without form.

The universe is beautiful and amazing in its intricate being. Indeed.

Pete talking about the sky.

I'm so happy

I just found Katherine Skaggs, an artist in the USA that does soul paintings. I've done quite a few of these in the past, and had really vivid dreams about doing them for people, but in the light of day, and need to explain myself, I've always felt daft.

Her website is del.icio.us on the left.

2008

Just after the eclipse 1999


2008 felt like a wonderful year coming in, I'd heard it was the year of wellbeing which sounded all kinds of good. Still, so far the feelings around, the little happenings and the bigger ones, are all sneaking more than a little way past expectations.

It's a good year...possibly a rise to the challenge year.

I realised somewhen in the last couple of days that numerologically 2008 is the same as 1999, they are both 1 years, which I'm glad I made sense of (in my own merry little world) because the similarities in energy hade me intrigued.

1999 was a good year, tough and brilliant. This year we feel better prepared or moving forward and running with that 1 energy...so let's see where it goes.

boys will be boys

Lale

lale
noun pronounced lay-lee
1) The quality that gives a sense of pleasure, beauty and connection, to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as moments of epiphany, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality.
2) a sense of experiencing something innately true yet indeterminable about oneself, especially through external influence or environment.
3) something of (1 & 2) that has effect on several, many, or innumerable, often interlinked, levels.

Examples:

Much lale is found to be hiding in the sini of the world.

It was lale as she had never come across it before...

I was filled with a sense of lale

As an adverb: she danced lale; he wrote lale

And as an adjective: It was a lale moment; the bale was so lale

http://community.livejournal.com/word_sovereigns/

Saturday Saturday

I've already had a lovely morning this morning...long lie-in, quick cup of tea with a new friend, baby's asleep and the sun is shining.

And today I'm already wanting to go to the art suppliers...hmmm how to balance desire for things like paint sticks and printing inks, with the need to be sensible financially...

I want to learn and want to do.

Meanwhile, I am sort of stuck here (baby is a light sleeper) so I shall just have to drink my tea, relax a little more and meander through some of the lovely links to the left.

Bogle eyed

I had the loveliest day today, with naps and friends and lots of little people around my house.

Instead of driving myself mad with HTML I've spent a couple of hours (ooh, nearer 4 actually) browsing through blogs. So far I have noticed

Ones based in the UK are few and far between.
I love coming across smiley family and children pics
I love coming across art and craft blogs
Men seem to out blog women two to one
90% of the female bloggers were in America
I somehow sort of feel lonelier at the end than at the beginning.

I've been looking at typepad and wordpress as a possible homes
I wish I were better at all the code stuff...to be able to create just what you want on the internet must be good...but it seems such a lot to learn for one task.

Wordpress is really awkward to use.

Now I need to go paint.

Magenta Flame

I am the most lucious magenta flame

I soar and glow brightly for all to see

The world is a flower beneath my name

It opens in brilliance its heart to me

HTMYell!

Have been trying to change from two to three columns, it seems simple the way the tips suggest...Can I acheive this little thing?


As for putting art in the background!


At least the header turned out to be easy enough for me...even changed it to fit the panoramic of the day room...now I can see behind me when I'm looking at the computer!





If you happen to meandering by, be even the slightest of a dab-hand with HTML...feel free to enlighten me in it's mysterious art.

Coming together

Well I've been customising, collating and listing, setting up del.icio.us and making a few more of my old posts on LJ public...Having not long since set up myspace as well this is all beginning to blur together and I'm still not really sure I shall end up with what I'd like!

I'm unsure of blogger without the friend facility as is on LJ...unless i just haven't found it yet.

And I'm yet to work out whether I can use any artwork as my background.


And it's very strange having such an empty blog all over again!

Next step more photos and writing to make myself feel at home...

And more exploring

Can't be all bad then.

New!, new new new new new...

Different fonts

Gee

Elle

Time for tea

Treat for me

Veritable feast

Of all sor6ts

Cee, I told you so.

Let Each

I saw the love
When out of the mouth
Of my lover
Came words
Opening doors
To endless images
Of the same

The same words
Repeating
Gently
Openly
Endless gifts of balm
Easing aches
deep within me

Easing
The constant painful fear
of dying
That comes from living
not knowing
We are loved.

New Day

OH my God
I see the love
in all the faces
all the mouths
all the whispers
wishes
and hopes,
In all the dreams
all the anger
all the spite
and all the hurt.
I see the love

sweet grace
such a feeling
in the body
as grants
this clarity
this understanding
of my fear of unworthiness
to love like this.

and such love
as love like this
that grants all freedom
to be and choose
fight or hide.

Such purity
as to never be diluted
or twisted
or poisoned
by any human act
but to still glow through
from underneath.

Freshly Given

From passion
To compassion
As the door
To love
And the vehicle
For intimacy.

This is the room
In which
All can meet
& hold
& heal.

Be Filled

You are so beautiful
My body is alive
With the energy of the world
When my love for you flows.

It asks me
To love everyone.

With Joy

I am stunned by the depth and power
of the love in my dreams
gentle, open, intoxicating
Is that a possibility in life?
can anything reach that quiet full feeling,
eternal in nature,
cellular in the knowing

I want that in everyday
in every minute
to feel myself
and you hum with it

I want to see it in your eyes
feel it in your breath on my skin.

Just standing in your presence
looking at your face
in the half dark cold
I could feel it surround me
papable in front of me
I wanted to touch it
as much as I wanted to touch you

I wanted us both
to see some secret magical light
see our love glowing
around and between us
just to know
we had both witnessed
that the depths of dreams
are real.

Exploration

In your presence
I am calm and strong
Where i have not been
Unless deeply by myself

You make the ecstasy
and peace
Physical reality for me
Present, clear and undeniable
That all my dreams and prayers
Have hope

The fact that you are real
Is enough for me to breathe
true deep loving breath
into myself for life
accepting how I am

I wish all this for you
I wish this peace and love
And the sensation of another
To know your heart

And if, already, you have all that
I wish you the ecstatic dance
Of love knowing it exists.

Gratitude

Flowing dreams
Images of you
As my heart
Opens
Full and wide
Pouring light
And warm tears
Of gentle joy

Lightly
Your presence
Touches
Every empty cell
Of my body
With exhaltation

I am filled
With happiness
Having found you
All else
Of my life
Makes sense

Nothing is wasted
All
Bought me here
To this door
Of Love
To be opened

I don't know
How this
Can end

Meeting you
Has opened
Me
And I pray
Juat to breathe
This amazing love

Happy
That my existence
Is this

As We Choose

Julia
There are times
For all things
And many truths.
Speak little
Love much,
Open your heart
To all things new
And known.
Pass your time
Understanding
That you
Are what you want.
Give freely of
Your ideas and love,
Ask nothing in return.
Spend time each day
Laughing
Especially at
Yourself.
Listen only to words
That will free all...
And know
That to condemn
Is to chain yourself
To an ideal
Empty of love.